Detachment in Relationships by Swami Swatmananda
Swamiji began by explaining that Life begins with relationships and is sustained through relationships. The question is How to have a harmonious relationship?
Swamiji took all the participants to an online quiz where they learnt that relationships are like mirrors and love, respect, trust form the foundation. The question that arises is if relationship and detachment are oxymoron?
Detachment is not loveless, insensitivity, not feeling happy/sad for others, avoiding duties. The more I give, the more I get. Relationships are to give and to forgive, to serve people around us, acceptance and like everybody else, we too want acceptance. Acceptance is not about accepting everything but reacting appropriately by knowing oneself and the other.
It is so strange that we accept birds, animals, vegetables, plants as they are, but not other humans.
In detachment in Relationships, we must look at individuals as those who have made this journey over multiple lives. People act on their own freewill so we should not try and change them and make decisions for them.
Detachment is giving love, respect & trust, respecting boundaries. Each person has their own journey so it is vital to give them space but having the vision of oneness in spite of the differences. Love and freedom go together and not possessiveness. There are different levels of oneness and oneness is detachment. Vedanta also talks of that One Infinite which manifests through all of us.
Our relationship with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. We must accept and love ourselves without wallowing in self-pity or “poor me syndrome”.
In the Geeta (6.5) the Lord talks about lifting one by one's self. There is no room for blame game. Accept we are not perfect and could be wrong like Arjuna and seek guidance.
Instead of self-criticism, apologize and make amends and learn from one's mistake.
Our Pujya Gurudev said “Love is identification with the beloved; when two becomes one” as nature of love. He also said Detachment is the foundation of love; thus, we should detach ourselves from our ego. The difference between Love and attachment - in love one is selfless and puts the need of the beloved above one’s own needs. In attachment, one is selfish and our needs are more important. Lord Krishna tells Arjuna that detachment is not from the person or loving the person but from "I”. The more one detaches the more one loves.
Differentiate between compromise and adjustment where we must adjust and be flexible without compromising our integrity and sadhana. Bhakti is Love for God. Love becomes bhakti when it is directed to the Supreme or the Self. In Bhakti the devotee surrenders everything as love knows only sacrifice.
